>However, it's undeniable that at that age it's all about fitting in and it would likely make them feel like a bit of an outcast if I were to limit them from being a part of it, l
Should homeschool. The elimination of peer pressure makes alot of these choices dead simple. "But all the other 11 yr olds are going to the 3am tattoo orgy" just isn't a counter-argument I'll ever hear in my household.
The real trouble is that you're constantly running around playing whackamole with the router, there must be 3 or 4 dozen social media platforms I have to police. And Youtube, like it or not, is probably essential, so it can't be blocked really... my daughter is using it today to learn to sharpen knives (wasn't a boy scout, never learned it myself). Though, last week I expected that she'd want to use it for cheesemaking, but she worked from a written-word recipe (was kind of proud of that). Best advice for Youtube is to just try to keep an eye on what they gravitate to when watching and steer them away from the garbage.
Homeschooling without a ton of extracurriculars with interaction with children their age makes your kids weird. It completely stunts their ability to socialize.
I did fencing as a kid. It was basically a 50/50 split between homeschooled kids and private school kids. It was immediately obvious which were which, and the friend groups that formed were made almost exclusively of the private school kids and the smattering of public school kids.
If you're restricting your children's social life sufficiently to avoid peer pressure, you're causing irreparable harm.
>The next step is some canny asshole will take advantage of these people by selling them on their superiority or offering community, and radicalize them.
I've heard this claimed many times. But I also went to school with hundreds of other children, and I remember high school enough to know that many end up weird regardless. I don't think it's the homeschooling that does this.
I hear people whine about school shootings and that it's such a big problem that it must absolutely be solved, but on the other end "don't keep your children out of school they might end up weird" strikes me sort of strange. That's really your biggest concern?
>If you're restricting your children's social life sufficiently to avoid peer pressure, you're causing irreparable harm.
I've seen zero evidence that supports this hypothesis.
Exactly, and additionally, it's not just about putting them into extracurriculars. You have to let them go outside and make friends without adult organization because that's what it's going to be like once they grow up and don't have your (or some organization's) help on every step. If you don't let them do this, you're hindering their ability to learn to make friends on their own. Which in turn is where the peer pressure eventually kicks in, because, "hey, all those kids outside..."
> The elimination of peer pressure makes alot of these choices dead simple.
Except you're not really eliminating any peer pressure unless you also lock them in your house for their entire childhood life. The moment they go out (alone or in your company), the peer pressure will kick in simply because "oh look they're all on those phones and I'm not".
My son's best friend goes to the same judo class he does. We're invited over there for holidays and other celebrations quite often. He doesn't have a phone either. They have a few chickens and some rabbits. He likes going out and seeing the animals.
We simply don't hang out with the same sort of people, nor do we let our children do so, as you do.