My experience has been a bit better than yours. I had the same concerns you've raised here and opted for a more standard layout and got a Mistel MD770, a lesser known brand but it was important to me that the layout is familiar and it has F keys and honestly it's been great, had it for about a year now. I use it on all 3 OSs too. I'm now looking to buy another one for the office as it's too much of an effort to carry it and I've been looking for other keyboards but there aren't (m)any that have standard layout (no columnar stuff), split, pre-built, F keys and ideally hot-swappable switches. The closest is probably dygma raise but it doesn't have F keys which is unfortunate. I think I'll end up buying another MD770.
If you spend the day working with F-based applications, this may not be a solution. But if you require those keys for tasks like renaming files, etc it may be enough to configure SuperKeys on the Raise: keeping the key pressed for 250ms can trigger any other symbol, including the Fs. It might be more natural than switching layers.